Friday, January 6, 2012

Why do women need closure while men don't?

Hello everyone,

The question that has been raised lately is why women need the closure of a relationship while men are ok just by knowing that things might not go too well and the relationship will eventually fade out. As I have mentioned in my previous post, each situation is special and should be seen individually but I will try to share some observations from personal experience and generalize them a little. The first thing that we need to consider is age. It seems that younger guys/men need closure the least and I believe that is a result of their difficulty to take on the responsibility of the closure. In addition, a lack of closure of the relationship also gives them the ability to reunite with their partner or attempt to do so while a closure would signify that they need to make a much larger efffort to "reopen" the book of the relationship. Conversely, women need the closure of the relationship if the relationship seems to be fading for 2 reasons. The first one is the confirmation that something has ended in order to be psychologically "free" to move on since women (the majority at least) tend to prefer being in one commited relationship at a time. The second reason has to do with women's innate need for certainty and security. Of course you are wondering how closure of a relationship provides security and certainly. Well, it is simple: by having (an appropriate hopefully) closure of a relationship the woman is able to justify to herself that for whatever reason that relationship had to or was forced to end and close. In that case, it is easier for a woman to be able to accept and justify it to herself and as a result move one more quickly or at least with certainty and knowledge of her next step. The question then becomes which of the two genders is stronger? The one that needs closure or the one that can live without it? Well, I will discuss that question in my next post. I am interested to hear your opinion on what we discussed today first!

5 comments:

  1. Your observation regarding the superiority of genders as it arises from their reaction to closures in relationships directly implies that women tend to have the strength to deal with it while men retreat quietly. However, I would like to cast light on another case that may subvert your established thesis. In my case, I didn't pursue closure with the man I fell for because that would not allow me any other chances of seeing him again. He of course did not want closure or clarifications for his own reasons. Still, I am a woman and I did not seek for closure in that case because I did not want to destroy all the bridges of communication with him.

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  2. Dear Stegnh,

    Thank you for your interesting comment. Your comment brings up 2 points. The first point, which I was also discussing with a friend of mine on Saturday, is that probably power or rather personal empowerment (will distinguish between the two shortly) cannot be defined or detected just by whether someone needs closure in a relationship or not, irrespective of gender. The second point is that each person, again irrespective of gender, might view closure differently depending their age or who the partner is. Let's first define power and empowerment. Power says if I don't control you then I cannot be ok while personal empowerment says I know how to take care of my truest self, no matter what you do. I believe the difference of the two could be a reasonable explanation of whether some people need closure while others don’t. In many cases, one might need closure because that makes him/her feel that they have power over the situation by clearly knowing its status. On the other hand, a person might have reached the personal empowerment stage, in what case they can go on with the lives or decide to stick around without clearly knowing that the other person might be doing/feeling. However, we should keep in mind that some people might not want/be able to confront their partner and ask for clarity not due to achievement of personal empowerment but rather out of fear of receiving an unfavorable response. Therefore, it seems that each case might be different and hence needs to be addressed individually. Lastly, a couple of factors that might make each case different are the age of the person facing the dilemma as well as who the partner in stake is. Regarding age, it does not seem to be a clear answer as to whether younger ages need more closure than older ages or vice versa (Would like to hear your thought on that!). The second factor and probably the most important, in my opinion, is the person that one deals with each time. That means that for some reason we might need closure with one person and not need closure with another. I would suggest from personal experience that with a person that is more important to us, it feels more necessary to have closure and know the existing relationship status but "stegnh" above seems to have experienced the opposite. I am looking forward to receive any comments on the above before moving on the next topic!

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  3. Well, let me point out that men need closure, too. Perhaps they don't admit it, or they don't need it for the same reasons as women, but regardless, the feeling of certainty is appreciated by both genders.

    To put it bluntly, "people like to know where they stand." Nobody, male or female, likes to sit at the end of a fading relationship and wonder, "Are we still friends? Are we still going to be physically intimate? Am I supposed to give her space? etc..."

    These are the questions that, altered slightly, we find ourselves asking about our jobs, our health, our family, and other things. In an ideal world, a romantic relationship is something that should not be subject to this skepticism. We want to come home to our woman/man and not have to wonder "what's there?"

    The same can be said for the end of a relationship. If it must end, so be it. But no one wishes it to be added to the ever-expanding list of uncertainty in life. That's part of the reason men like to move on quickly. In the words of Seinfeld, to end a relationship, you have to do it like a band-aid, right off.

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  4. Maybe for their own comfort, when men decide to move on and have this certainty, they don't discuss this with their partner (for the reasons mentioned in the article: lack of responsibility and not cutting all the `bridges`, making it easier for them to step back if they feel like it) and simply let things fade by themselves, while they believe they are no longer involved with their ex.

    So they'll stand on solid ground but their ex (former partner) won't realize what's happening and be left with the lack of closure.

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  5. i was shock and heart broken few months back when i found out my husband cheating was on me with with some from hiswork We’ve been married going on 4 years. 2kids. lots of amazing moments together. i want to leave, but i love him so much.he has to see her everyday because they work together. we are both still young and very attractive. but i want my husband, my only friend, and the father of my beautiful children. how do i get past the thought of another woman having taking my husband from me? Not my fiancĂ©, not my boyfriend, but my husband! i still love him even though he thinks i want to leave i really want him to do better and stop me before i walk out! my husband told me that he doesn’t feel loved anymore, just because of lady he is seeing at work... and he wants a divorce, i was devastated, heart broken i begged him to listen to me that we can work it out like we always do, but he didn’t listen, he told me that he met someone that loves and understands him, i begged him to consider our kids but he’s did listen. he left and i was frustrated, i began searching for help and answers, then i good testimony about a man that can Cast a spell to remind him of all the things we have been through together and make him fall 100% in love with me again, at first I was scared but i decided to give it a try, and like magic my husband is back to me, apology and begging for forgiveness,my marriage is save and my husband is showing me love more then ever before, happiness is back in my home all thanks to this Genuine man prophet ogidi of MIRACLECENTER110@GMAIL.COM.

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